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Apr. 6th, 2016

Lambing is fucking awesome

for reasons more than just being surrounded by sheep and loads of baby lambsCollapse )

Dec. 1st, 2015

More musings of a personal kind

click if interested in me attempting to suss out my feelingsCollapse )

Nov. 28th, 2015

More personal epiphanies

Okay, this one was actually more a slow build that has been toying around the back of my brain for a few years now, but I think I'm more confident in my ability to say that I'm asexual, or at the very least grey-asexual.

click for more musings of apparently an asexual personCollapse )

Nov. 24th, 2015

I've had several dates with one person - Shocking, I know!

Click here for musings of a different sortCollapse )

Oct. 26th, 2015

My old friend Insecurity is visiting (aka Making friends is hard)

Click for more emotional ramblingCollapse )

Oct. 1st, 2015

I'm just so, so tired

I haven't been in a very good place recently. Which is a shame, really, because I'm in a great place in my life. I'm in my dream school studying interesting topics for my dream job, in an absolutely beautiful place. Yet I can't seem to enjoy it. Instead, I have at least one anxiety attack a day for absolutely no reason/with no noticeable trigger. Up till now, I would just wait the attack out and once it was over, continue on with my day. But now I think I've reached my limit. Now, when the attacks hit, I'm just so sick of constantly feeling like shit that instead of moving on with my day, instead it just spirals into a near constant state of anxiety and tears, and being so constantly tense is making me really exhausted both mentally and physically. I'm fairly certain it's also making me feel ill, which then feeds back into it because feeling ill triggers anxiety after the disaster that was my health at the beginning of this year.

And even though I'm so tired, I'm afraid to sleep because I keep startling awake panicked. So then I don't sleep until late when I'm tired enough to just pass out, but then I have to wake up early for class, so I'm losing a lot of sleep. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, because I'm afraid of being caught out/away from a safe space when the anxiety hits particularly hard, which then makes me even more upset because I'm missing out on so much. I'm just...not happy. Things that should put giant smiles on my face aren't nearly as enjoyable as they should be. And I don't know why. Because I should be happy. There's no reason for me to NOT be happy. But I'm not. And I HATE IT. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY?????

I have an appointment scheduled with a counselor at the university next week. Hopefully they'll be able to help, because I don't know how much longer I can handle this. And I really, really miss being happy.

Jul. 21st, 2015

Anxiety over social anxiety - fun, right?

Click here for slight panicking/depression over the social aspects of schoolCollapse )

Jul. 12th, 2015

Greetings from Scotland! SCOTLAND!!!!!

I figured I'd post an update here, because SCOTLAND!!!!!

Click to read the beginnings of my newest adventure!Collapse )

Jun. 18th, 2015

Health disaster cont'd + Scotland adventures are nearing

On the one hand, HUUUUUUUUUUUURGH HEALTH, on the other hand, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SCOTLANDCollapse )

Apr. 21st, 2015

I'm at the end of my rope

I really hate real life sometimesCollapse )

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