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Anxiety over social anxiety - fun, right?


The start of school is just 2wks away, and in one of the school's FB pages, the Final Years just posted kind of an intro-to-freshers PDF, where they list all the different social events that we'll be having and all the different clubs.

Now, here's where my anxiety comes in. I mean, gatherings of people in general make me antsy, but I can usually get through a couple hours of being social and have a good time before reaching my people quota and begging off for the night. The problem comes from my good old friend emitaphobia, which means that gatherings of people drinking make me reeeeeeeeally panicky, at least when there's drinking heavily (which, it's univeristy, and although I'm in the group that has already done the college/degree thing, here, a significant portion of the class is fresh out of high school). And even if I hadn't met some of the final years and heard their stories already, even in that pdf, they are NOT shy about how much alcohol is involved.

So, all these clubs sound great, and I'd love to join them and do the whole making-friends thing, but I cannot handle the stress of alcohol-filled gatherings. (I know I can't. I've tried. Even with my really good friends, I end up running away in a full blown panic.) Which then makes me really depressed, because I really want to be social and go to these parties and outings, but I really, really can't.

And a lot of these groups have outings, as in full weekend, go somewhere overnight kinds of things. And I'd love to do that, too, but AHAHAHAHAHA last time I tried that, I ended up calling my old high-school coach in a panic begging her to let me stay at her cabin for the weekend because I couldn't handle even just the thought of staying at the college team's cabin while they had a big party. So basically, if I don't have an escape (which is more difficult here, since I don't have my own car), I'm not sure I'd be able to go. I mean, I could always make myself go, but unless there's a promise of no drinking/partying, I can pretty much guarantee it won't be worth the mental (and therefore physical) strain. I'd probably just end up sleeping outside under a tree with my headphones blasting as loud as possible.

I already knew that I would definitely NOT be participating in much of fresher's week, at least outside official university events like checking out the clubs/societies. But reading these descriptions of said clubs/societies has made me much less sure about how much more socialization I'll get out of them.

*sigh* I guess I'll just have to wait and see, yeah? Maybe I can start a Minimal-Alcohol-Involved club. I can't be the only one who doesn't want every social gathering to involve getting drunk, right?

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